34

This year has certainly been a banner year for me. It's been a year of endings and beginnings, of a lot of major decisions and transitions. There has been plenty of changes, of learning to adjust, a year of movement and certainly a year filled with new learning and insight.

Celebrating 34 Milestones, New Experiences, Learnings, and Insights in the past year on the Occasion of my 34th Year of Existence

1) My sister and I finally lived in different houses beginning last year, when she and her husband bought their own home.
2) I learned how it is to be far from my husband. (we were apart for over 7 months)
3) I finally untied the strings that attached me to our family business. We- our whole family- learned to let go and accept the end of what was a good thing.
4) It was my first year of motherhood.
5) I finally know how it is to be a stay at home mom.
6) I said goodbye to my family- my parents and siblings, my aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends---to join my husband here in NZ.
7) I now know what it means to truly stand on my own, far from my parents and family. I also feel like a real adult, primarily responsible in caring for our daughter and the household.
8) Knowing very few people in NZ, it's easy to let myself go and not care about my appearance. But this isn't right, and it isn't healthy. While I take care of my husband and daughter, I must also take care of me. I can do a better job of caring for them if I take care of myself.
9) I experienced being a hands-on aunt when my sister gave birth to Manu last September.
10) Our family faced Cancer and we survived it intact. (Thank You, Lord.)
11) I made the big leap and moved our family to NZ (my husband might have gone ahead of us, but I was the driving force behind his decision to go for it and make all the necessary moves to achieve this).
12) I can live without maids and without our yaya!
13) It is difficult for me and my family. We miss each other's company terribly. Yet they still support our decision because they know this is the best course of action.
14) I now know how to cook rice.
15) Distance necessitates being verbal about how I feel. I am now more free with my "I love You's" to my parents and siblings.
16) I can cook ADOBO and learned to make sinigang na ulo ng salmon sa miso.
17) I am still thankful that I chose my husband to be my husband, and I make a conscious effort not to take him for granted and not to make taking care of the baby the excuse.
18) I am more thrifty now than I ever was in my entire life. Even so, I have a lot more to learn about being thrifty.
19) I found out that my mom can be a brave person, that she can deal with physical pain for her loved ones.
20) For my daughter, I have to get out there and deal with the rest of the world. Even if I'm perfectly okay with staying inside and vegging in front of the computer the whole day.
21) For my daughter, I find the energy to get a move on and talk to people. I find the drive to ask around for playgroups and toddler activities she can join. I even get up the courage to talk to the local priest in order to get a "preference card" for her,and increase her chances of getting into the local Catholic school.
22) For myself, I have to get back to being fit. I can't wait til Raya is "a little older", or my fitness level will just deteriorate even more.
23) I can do the laundry by myself. I don't only know how to iron clothes, I even have a certain system for ironing my husband's shirts.
24) I definitely have a higher tolerance for cold weather now.
25) I will probably always long for 'home'- NZ is nice but the Philippines has its own unique energy and beauty that I will always miss.
26) I can make Paella, Risotto, and Jambalaya.
27) My parents can live 'without' me- they do miss us, but they seem to be coping well: a good thing.
28) Our bunso is all grown up and has stepped up to the plate. He is helping my sister now that I am away and cannot be physically present for her. I am proud of him.
29) Sometimes I feel exhausted and want to QUIT being a mother to Raya, but that's normal and that's okay.
30) It will probably take a few years before I find people in NZ whom I consider to be real friends and even confidantes.
31) As much as I sometimes wish Raya was all grown up so that I could do my own thing, I also wish that time would slow down because I so love taking care of my baby girl.
32) Despite the distance, my friends are my friends, and this makes me thankful.
33) Where I am right now is not quite what I imagined it to be. This isn't good nor bad, it's just reality. I was angry before, but now I realize that I'm stepping into what's real and erasing the fantasy.
34) Getting to NZ was just the first step. There's a lot more to be done. I have to pace myself and try not to get too impatient and too hard on myself.


======
For Ikay: Got your text, thanks Girl!
For Ryan and Aunty: Thanks for remembering, and regards to the rest of the family.

=======
Updated:
Thank You for This Charchar, I am touched.